I decided to spare us the agony of separate posts for the points allocation for each of the three jerseys, but I have to tell you it was a roller-coaster ride that nudged the Tour itself for excitement.

The polka-dot jersey was scored first, and this appeared to consolidate the position of Fatboy courtesy of Andy Schleck, but Two Phat 2 moved ominously into 5th place. Further down the table Vulcan jumped a whopping 43 places thanks to Anthony Charteau’s finely judged win, somewhat confirming Lucien van Impe’s recent comment that you can be a bit crap and still win the spotty shirt. Sicknote and Srampagno had obviously considered all the competitions in choosing their teams, as they both lived up to expectations and failed to score.

The next competition to feel the bean-counter’s caress was the coveted points jersey. I wish they would stop trying to sell this as the sprinter’s jersey since the angry one’s get to snog enough podium girls as it is, and it is only fair to have a jersey that rewards the saps that can be bothered sprinting for 15th place when a breakaway has been successful. This allocation produced the most exciting moment of the competition as Iceman leapt over Fatboy to take the lead courtesy of Cav’s second place, and Fatboy’s best hope being Julian Dean back in 14th place. There were no big movers this time, and Sicknote and Srampagno stayed stuck fast in the autobus.

Last but not least the yellow jersey. It should be no great surprise that Andy saved Fatboy’s lardy backside and propelled him to victory finishing as first loser. Lacking a contender for the overall Iceman tumbled to fourth - perhaps he can take consolation in my own fall from glory to finish outside the money in 16th place. The big last-minute winners were the redoubtable Two Phat 2 who moved up to second, and Princess Margaret Hospital, moving up eight places to finish 6th. Sicknote finally cracked, scoring 28 points courtesy of Nicholas Roche to underline the dominance of Srampagno at the back of the field.

That’s it for another year folks, unless you can convince O’Dirty to run a Vuelta comp. Don’t ask me about prizes - personally I wouldn’t be hopeful that there’ll be much left after the dirty one’s French sojourn. Also, technical difficulties have prevented me from determining the team competition winner - I’ll look into that if I have time, but it may have to wait for O’Dirty’s return.

Polka dot jersey
Floyd Pharma Lotto scored 200 for Anthony Charteau coming in first place
Vulcan scored 200 for Anthony Charteau coming in first place
The Swiss Miss scored 150 for Christophe Moreau coming in second place
Vulcan scored 150 for Christophe Moreau coming in second place
Dobbo scored 150 for Christophe Moreau coming in second place
Bicyclettes Anciennes scored 110 for Andy Schleck coming in third place
Paddles scored 110 for Andy Schleck coming in third place
Babel scored 110 for Andy Schleck coming in third place
Fatboy scored 110 for Andy Schleck coming in third place
Princess Margarets Hospital scored 80 for Alberto Contador Velasco coming in fourth place
Cloggie Dockers scored 80 for Alberto Contador Velasco coming in fourth place
Two Phat 2 scored 80 for Alberto Contador Velasco coming in fourth place
Cadel Ankiss scored 80 for Alberto Contador Velasco coming in fourth place
Pap Tyres scored 64 for Damiano Cunego coming in fifth place
Cadel Ankiss scored 64 for Damiano Cunego coming in fifth place
Hoops scored 52 for Samuel Sánchez Gonzalez coming in sixth place
JDRF scored 52 for Samuel Sánchez Gonzalez coming in sixth place
Dobbo scored 52 for Samuel Sánchez Gonzalez coming in sixth place
The Doctor scored 44 for Sandy Casar coming in seventh place
Iceman scored 44 for Sandy Casar coming in seventh place
Flirty O’Dirty scored 44 for Sandy Casar coming in seventh place
Two Phat 1 scored 36 for Jérôme Pineau coming in eighth place
Heather scored 36 for Jérôme Pineau coming in eighth place
Wingnut scored 36 for Jérôme Pineau coming in eighth place
Spunker scored 36 for Jérôme Pineau coming in eighth place
Tommy scored 32 for Thomas Voeckler coming in ninth place
Heather scored 32 for Thomas Voeckler coming in ninth place
Ted scored 32 for Thomas Voeckler coming in ninth place
SirOED scored 28 for Pierrick Fedrigo coming in tenth place
Rod scored 28 for Pierrick Fedrigo coming in tenth place
Flatlander scored 28 for Pierrick Fedrigo coming in tenth place
Mrs Spunker scored 28 for Pierrick Fedrigo coming in tenth place
The Swiss Miss scored 24 for Joaquin Rodriguez coming in eleventh place
Crash scored 24 for Joaquin Rodriguez coming in eleventh place
Possum scored 24 for Joaquin Rodriguez coming in eleventh place
Team Bains Pain scored 24 for Joaquin Rodriguez coming in eleventh place
RUK scored 20 for Mario Aerts coming in twelfth place
The Trab scored 20 for Mario Aerts coming in twelfth place
21 Guns scored 20 for Mario Aerts coming in twelfth place
Gobi scored 20 for Mario Aerts coming in twelfth place
Scumbags scored 16 for Robert Gesink coming in thirteenth place
JDRF scored 16 for Robert Gesink coming in thirteenth place
Comfortably Numb scored 16 for Robert Gesink coming in thirteenth place
Tommy scored 12 for Christophe Riblon coming in forteenth place
Bif scored 12 for Christophe Riblon coming in forteenth place
Scumbags scored 12 for Christophe Riblon coming in forteenth place
SirOED scored 8 for Denis Menchov coming in fifteenth place
madspanito scored 8 for Denis Menchov coming in fifteenth place
Red Rasperry scored 8 for Denis Menchov coming in fifteenth place

Green jersey
RUK scored 200 for Alessandro Petacchi coming in first place
Mrs Paddles scored 200 for Alessandro Petacchi coming in first place
Team Green Machine scored 150 for Mark Cavendish coming in second place
Iceman scored 150 for Mark Cavendish coming in second place
Possum scored 150 for Mark Cavendish coming in second place
woozee scored 150 for Mark Cavendish coming in second place
The Condor scored 110 for Thor Hushovd coming in third place
Mutant scored 110 for Thor Hushovd coming in third place
Pap Tyres scored 110 for Thor Hushovd coming in third place
RUK scored 80 for Jose Joaquin Rojas Gil coming in fourth place
Rod scored 80 for Jose Joaquin Rojas Gil coming in fourth place
Gobi scored 80 for Jose Joaquin Rojas Gil coming in fourth place
The Hamster scored 80 for Jose Joaquin Rojas Gil coming in fourth place
Jangu scored 64 for Robbie McEwen coming in fifth place
Heather scored 64 for Robbie McEwen coming in fifth place
Wingnut scored 64 for Robbie McEwen coming in fifth place
Crash scored 52 for Edvald Boasson Hagen coming in sixth place
Vulcan scored 52 for Edvald Boasson Hagen coming in sixth place
Sans Sommeil scored 52 for Edvald Boasson Hagen coming in sixth place
Harvey Norman scored 52 for Edvald Boasson Hagen coming in sixth place
Jangu scored 44 for Sébastien Turgot coming in seventh place
The Condor scored 44 for Sébastien Turgot coming in seventh place
Flirty O’Dirty scored 44 for Sébastien Turgot coming in seventh place
Sans Sommeil scored 44 for Sébastien Turgot coming in seventh place
Cloggie Dockers scored 36 for Gerald Ciolek coming in eighth place
The Nurse scored 36 for Gerald Ciolek coming in eighth place
Cookie scored 36 for Gerald Ciolek coming in eighth place
Spunker scored 36 for Gerald Ciolek coming in eighth place
O’Dirty scored 32 for Jurgen Roelandts coming in ninth place
Possum scored 32 for Jurgen Roelandts coming in ninth place
Comfortably Numb scored 32 for Jurgen Roelandts coming in ninth place
Team Green Machine scored 28 for Lloyd Mondory coming in tenth place
Tommy scored 28 for Lloyd Mondory coming in tenth place
Boab scored 28 for Lloyd Mondory coming in tenth place
Princess Margarets Hospital scored 24 for Alberto Contador Velasco coming in eleventh place
Cloggie Dockers scored 24 for Alberto Contador Velasco coming in eleventh place
Two Phat 2 scored 24 for Alberto Contador Velasco coming in eleventh place
Cadel Ankiss scored 24 for Alberto Contador Velasco coming in eleventh place
Hoops scored 20 for Samuel Sánchez Gonzalez coming in twelfth place
JDRF scored 20 for Samuel Sánchez Gonzalez coming in twelfth place
Dobbo scored 20 for Samuel Sánchez Gonzalez coming in twelfth place
Bicyclettes Anciennes scored 16 for Andy Schleck coming in thirteenth place
Paddles scored 16 for Andy Schleck coming in thirteenth place
Babel scored 16 for Andy Schleck coming in thirteenth place
Fatboy scored 16 for Andy Schleck coming in thirteenth place
Jangu scored 12 for Julian Dean coming in forteenth place
Spokesman scored 12 for Julian Dean coming in forteenth place
Fatboy scored 12 for Julian Dean coming in forteenth place
Mrs Spunker scored 12 for Julian Dean coming in forteenth place
SirOED scored 8 for Denis Menchov coming in fifteenth place
madspanito scored 8 for Denis Menchov coming in fifteenth place
Red Rasperry scored 8 for Denis Menchov coming in fifteenth place

Yellow jersey
Princess Margarets Hospital scored 400 for Alberto Contador Velasco coming in first place
Cloggie Dockers scored 400 for Alberto Contador Velasco coming in first place
Two Phat 2 scored 400 for Alberto Contador Velasco coming in first place
Cadel Ankiss scored 400 for Alberto Contador Velasco coming in first place
Bicyclettes Anciennes scored 300 for Andy Schleck coming in second place
Paddles scored 300 for Andy Schleck coming in second place
Babel scored 300 for Andy Schleck coming in second place
Fatboy scored 300 for Andy Schleck coming in second place
SirOED scored 240 for Denis Menchov coming in third place
madspanito scored 240 for Denis Menchov coming in third place
Red Rasperry scored 240 for Denis Menchov coming in third place
Hoops scored 220 for Samuel Sánchez Gonzalez coming in fourth place
JDRF scored 220 for Samuel Sánchez Gonzalez coming in fourth place
Dobbo scored 220 for Samuel Sánchez Gonzalez coming in fourth place
O’Dirty scored 200 for Jurgen Van Den Broeck coming in fifth place
Monty scored 200 for Jurgen Van Den Broeck coming in fifth place
Ted scored 200 for Jurgen Van Den Broeck coming in fifth place
Scumbags scored 180 for Robert Gesink coming in sixth place
JDRF scored 180 for Robert Gesink coming in sixth place
Comfortably Numb scored 180 for Robert Gesink coming in sixth place
Chuck scored 160 for Ryder Hesjedal coming in seventh place
Digger scored 160 for Ryder Hesjedal coming in seventh place
Possum scored 160 for Ryder Hesjedal coming in seventh place
woozee scored 160 for Ryder Hesjedal coming in seventh place
The Swiss Miss scored 140 for Joaquin Rodriguez coming in eighth place
Crash scored 140 for Joaquin Rodriguez coming in eighth place
Possum scored 140 for Joaquin Rodriguez coming in eighth place
Team Bains Pain scored 140 for Joaquin Rodriguez coming in eighth place
Tommy scored 120 for Roman Kreuziger coming in ninth place
Two Phat 2 scored 120 for Roman Kreuziger coming in ninth place
Scumbags scored 120 for Roman Kreuziger coming in ninth place
Bulldozer scored 100 for Christopher Horner coming in tenth place
Scumbags scored 100 for Christopher Horner coming in tenth place
Stuey scored 100 for Christopher Horner coming in tenth place
Comfortably Numb scored 100 for Christopher Horner coming in tenth place
Chuck scored 80 for Luis León Sánchez Gil coming in eleventh place
Perigord Vert scored 80 for Luis León Sánchez Gil coming in eleventh place
Nederlandse slaghoedje fietsclub scored 80 for Luis León Sánchez Gil coming in eleventh place
Dobbo scored 80 for Luis León Sánchez Gil coming in eleventh place
Reggieside scored 60 for Ruben Plaza Molina coming in twelfth place
The Condor scored 60 for Ruben Plaza Molina coming in twelfth place
Flirty O’Dirty scored 60 for Ruben Plaza Molina coming in twelfth place
Tourjunkie scored 60 for Ruben Plaza Molina coming in twelfth place
The Doctor scored 48 for Levi Leipheimer coming in thirteenth place
Two Phat 1 scored 48 for Levi Leipheimer coming in thirteenth place
Flatlander scored 48 for Levi Leipheimer coming in thirteenth place
Spokesman scored 48 for Levi Leipheimer coming in thirteenth place
Two Phat 1 scored 36 for Andreas Klöden coming in forteenth place
Nelmsey scored 36 for Andreas Klöden coming in forteenth place
Stuey scored 36 for Andreas Klöden coming in forteenth place
Comfortably Numb scored 36 for Andreas Klöden coming in forteenth place
JDRF scored 28 for Nicolas Roche coming in fifteenth place
Fatboy scored 28 for Nicolas Roche coming in fifteenth place
Sicknote scored 28 for Nicolas Roche coming in fifteenth place
The Swiss Miss scored 20 for Alexander Vinokourov coming in sixteenth place
Harvey Norman scored 20 for Alexander Vinokourov coming in sixteenth place
Tagalong  scored 20 for Alexander Vinokourov coming in sixteenth place
Floyd Pharma Lotto scored 16 for Thomas Lövkvist coming in seventeenth place
Philpy scored 16 for Thomas Lövkvist coming in seventeenth place
Monty scored 16 for Thomas Lövkvist coming in seventeenth place
Team Bains Pain scored 16 for Thomas Lövkvist coming in seventeenth place
SirOED scored 12 for Kevin De Weert coming in eighteenth place
The Swiss Miss scored 12 for Kevin De Weert coming in eighteenth place
Crash scored 12 for Kevin De Weert coming in eighteenth place
JDRF scored 12 for Kevin De Weert coming in eighteenth place
Reggieside scored 8 for John Gadret coming in nineteenth place
Mutant scored 8 for John Gadret coming in nineteenth place
Scumbags scored 8 for John Gadret coming in nineteenth place
Team Bains Pain scored 8 for John Gadret coming in nineteenth place
Hoops scored 4 for Carlos Sastre coming in twentieth place
Les bigorneaux à pédales scored 4 for Carlos Sastre coming in twentieth place
Tommy scored 4 for Carlos Sastre coming in twentieth place
The Nurse scored 4 for Carlos Sastre coming in twentieth place

The Fantasy Tipping machine is back in business and the results page has now been updated to reflect the results of the ITT in stage 19. Iceman has closed the gap a little on Fatboy but both sit nervously at the top with precious few points scored. Bicyclettes Anciennes proved there is some life in the old frame yet by moving up two spots from fifth to third, while running the tipping mill has done me more good than it did for O’Dirty as I am back up to fourth from seventh. Is it foolish to suggest Two Phat 2 has done her dash, slipping two spots to seventh?

Blinder is the big mover of the day, moving up 14 spots, but who really cares if he’s 30-odd spots from last or 30-odd spots from first? Meanwhile Srampagno keeps a firm grip on the Lanterne Rouge, but needs to keep a careful eye on Sicknote who is still in easy striking distance of the coveted title of last winner.

I will maintain the suspense briefly by taking a rest now and saving an update incorporating the stage 20 results for later today. And then the jerseys…

Last Chance Lance scored 100 for Fabian Cancellara coming in first place
Blinder scored 100 for Fabian Cancellara coming in first place
Dr Funky scored 100 for Fabian Cancellara coming in first place
Mrs Spunker scored 100 for Fabian Cancellara coming in first place
Bif scored 75 for Tony Martin coming in second place
Tagalong  scored 75 for Tony Martin coming in second place
Monty Ventoux scored 75 for Tony Martin coming in second place
Bicyclettes Anciennes scored 55 for Bert Grabsch coming in third place
Reggieside scored 55 for Bert Grabsch coming in third place
Nederlandse slaghoedje fietsclub scored 55 for Bert Grabsch coming in third place
Team Bains Pain scored 55 for Bert Grabsch coming in third place
Flatlander scored 40 for Ignatas Konovalovas coming in fourth place
St Pierre scored 40 for Ignatas Konovalovas coming in fourth place
The Hamster scored 40 for Ignatas Konovalovas coming in fourth place
Bicyclettes Anciennes scored 32 for David Zabriskie coming in fifth place
Technoboy scored 32 for David Zabriskie coming in fifth place
The Trab scored 32 for David Zabriskie coming in fifth place
Nelmsey scored 26 for Koos Moerenhout coming in sixth place
Monty scored 26 for Koos Moerenhout coming in sixth place
Possum scored 26 for Koos Moerenhout coming in sixth place
Babel scored 26 for Koos Moerenhout coming in sixth place
Iceman scored 22 for Vasili Kiryienka coming in seventh place
SirOED scored 22 for Vasili Kiryienka coming in seventh place
Bif scored 22 for Vasili Kiryienka coming in seventh place
Scumbags scored 22 for Vasili Kiryienka coming in seventh place
madspanito scored 18 for Maarten Tjallingii coming in eighth place
Monty scored 18 for Maarten Tjallingii coming in eighth place
Technoboy scored 16 for Bradley Wiggins coming in ninth place
Rod scored 16 for Bradley Wiggins coming in ninth place
Monty Ventoux scored 16 for Bradley Wiggins coming in ninth place
Jangu scored 14 for Geraint Thomas coming in tenth place
Digger scored 14 for Geraint Thomas coming in tenth place
Two Phat 2 scored 14 for Geraint Thomas coming in tenth place
Harvey Norman scored 14 for Geraint Thomas coming in tenth place
SirOED scored 12 for Denis Menchov coming in eleventh place
madspanito scored 12 for Denis Menchov coming in eleventh place
Red Rasperry scored 12 for Denis Menchov coming in eleventh place
Digger scored 10 for Jérémy Roy coming in twelfth place
Mrs Spunker scored 10 for Jérémy Roy coming in twelfth place
Technoboy scored 8 for Stuart O’Grady coming in thirteenth place
Blinder scored 8 for Stuart O’Grady coming in thirteenth place
Technoboy scored 6 for Maxime Monfort coming in forteenth place
Mrs Paddles scored 6 for Maxime Monfort coming in forteenth place
Cadel Ankiss scored 6 for Maxime Monfort coming in forteenth place
Sicknote scored 6 for Maxime Monfort coming in forteenth place
Pap Tyres scored 4 for Pavel Brutt coming in fifteenth place
madspanito scored 4 for Pavel Brutt coming in fifteenth place
Spokesman scored 4 for Pavel Brutt coming in fifteenth place
Fatboy scored 4 for Pavel Brutt coming in fifteenth place
Princess Margarets Hospital scored 20 for Alberto Contador Velasco leading the general classification
Cloggie Dockers scored 20 for Alberto Contador Velasco leading the general classification
Two Phat 2 scored 20 for Alberto Contador Velasco leading the general classification
Cadel Ankiss scored 20 for Alberto Contador Velasco leading the general classification
No most aggressive rider awarded for stage 19

Spartacus had no peer in Bordeaux as he romped to victory in the final time trial of this year’s Tour. That was perhaps less surprising than the number of people who had not picked him to win, and far less surprising than seeing erstwhile grand tour time trial maestro Contador finish in 35th place almost six minutes behind the Swiss precision timepiece. I leave it to you dear armchair tipster to decide if Schleck’s tantalising performance was more or less surprising than that. What exactly happened out there? Did Andy ride according to expectation while Alberto dogged it? Or did Andy really do the ride of his life in cross-wind conditions not suited to the smaller frame of the GC specialists?

No doubt much will be made of the 39 second gap. What if Alberto had waited? What if Andy knew how to put a chain on? What if Andy got his no-pave wish? Frank might have made it to the mountains but Andy wouldn’t have gained 53 seconds on Alberto on that pounding day on the cobbles. Perhaps in the end what it proves to Specialized’s delight is that it is after all, all about the bike, and that Andy didn’t really take out the bear with one punch.

Meanwhile I have been charged with the task of passing on O’Dirty’s apologies for having gone beyond the reach of the internet for the final crucial stages of the Tour, and scotching any rumours that might be circulating to the effect that he has retired to a chateau on the Garonne, bought with the winnings from an unlikely bet placed on the final ITT using the Fantasy Tour cashpot. I will attempt to provide updates on the tipping competition for the final two stages, but alas cannot do so until tomorrow when I can get access to my safely stowed copy of the magical software required to analyse and publish the data.

Meanwhile I hope that the race for the green jersey and victory on the Champs Elysee is enough to divert you from the far more interesting chase for glory in the C.C.C. Fantasy Tipping Competition.