My first email to the shop got lost in the ether but I got a quick response to a follow-up to someone called Stephanie, but it was a hand-ball to send my query to someone else. Nine days slipped by without a reply to my third email, so I sent a fourth, once again to Stephanie, who had responded so promptly before. This had the desired effect of producing an email from the bike-hire guy, who ignored my main question about whether or not I could pick a bike up on the Sunday morning and sensibly enough asked what size bike I needed. I replied with the details and reiterated my main concern.

Three days later I got an email from Stephanie asking if the bike had been sorted out. I replied with slightly false confidence that it all seemed to be under control. Another three days passed and my confidence cracked like an Aussie riding in the Alps, so I sent another quick email to the hire guy that assumed everything was good and asked what time I should turn up to give them enough time to set me up for the ride.

As luck would have it I was prevented by various mishaps from checking my email after leaving work on Thursday to get ready to fly out Friday, and didn’t get back online properly until Sunday evening in Austin. This turned out to be fortuitous, because had I read the bike hire guy’s response to my last email I would probably not have bothered heading down there this morning. He had finally addressed my key question, and the reply was both frustrating and disappointing, because he had ignored the fact that I had already worked out I couldn’t pick the bike up on Saturday and suggested I come in that evening when the shop was open.

So I arrived in Austin with my colleague on Saturday evening after a layover in Sydney followed by fourteen sleep-deprived hours taking in four movies to L.A., where we waited three hours for our two-and-a-half hour onward flight. Despite nodding off for a bit on the last leg I was pretty frazzled by the time I went to bed that night. I was however still convinced that a good  work-out on the bike would be almost as good as a Bloody Mary as an aid to resetting the body clock, so despite the lack of a definitive reply from Mellow Johnny’s I set my alarm for 7.00 am, with the intention of being at the shop by 8.00 am.

Things seemed to take a long time in the morning as my addled brain dithered from one half-completed task to the next. I managed to be out of the hotel before 7.50 am but the walk to the shop was longer than I had anticipated, so it was a little after 8.00 am by the time I arrived. There were three or four guys sitting on the verandah at Juan Pelota’s cafè, which though attached to the shop opens two hours earlier on a Sunday. I hopefully asked if any of them was from the shop and felt the first crack in my facade of optimism when the common reply came back negative.

The shop itself was dark so I ventured into the cafè where the barrista was no wiser than his al fresco customers. Things were not looking good. I ordered a coffee which in recognition of my plight came on the house, giving me a good opportunity to practise being a happier tipper than I am by nature. I sat at a table and felt my sad face coming on, as I cursed the bike-hire guy to myself. Not only would I miss the ride but I could tell already I was going to be too grumpy about it to come back later for a proper look at the shop and some souvenir hunting.

Outside the number of waiting cyclists was growing. Some of them looked a bit serious and I used this to try to console myself with self-doubt: “What am I thinking? This is the Boss’s shop. No doubt he has a hard-core crew. They call this the mellow ride, but they confess this is in jest and in fact it’s their least mellow ride. There was a cancer fund-raiser on at our hotel last night, so the man is probably in town and will be down here personally to make sure we don’t go under 40 mph…”. Between these thoughts I tried to imagine each arrival was the bike-hire guy. Many of them gave me fleeting hope by sporting shop kit, but none had the looks to match the non-anglo name I’d been emailing, and none responded to my forlorn yet hopeful looks.

A while after I’d long since decided it was too late anyway even if he turned up, the barrista quietly told me they were sorting something out. It seems someone else from the shop had arrived for the ride and he’d apprised him of my dilemma. Time seemed of the essence, as it must have already been close to the 8.30 kick-off, so I hastily dashed to the back of the shop to change into my C.C.Coglioni finery. Back in the shop a Trek bike was being readied by a guy called Robbie.

Things were looking good again as I hopped on to check the seat height, but pedals soon became a problem. No my old Look cleats won’t fit Shimano SPD-R pedals. Keos? I don’t think so but let’s give it a bash. Nope. Starting to feel bad again. Robbie had used his gravitas to delay the start of the ride, but it was fast looking like they would have to go without me as it became apparent that bog-standard Look pedals had already became archaic, in Austin at least. I suggested swapping the cleats but Robbie dismissed that as too time-consuming before disappearing into the basement. He was gone for a while and I began to think he’d abandoned me to the wrath of the put off peloton when he emerged with another bike in hand, and lo it was cranked by a pair of classic Looks.

At last I was out on the road offering a feeble apology for holding everyone up to anyone who would listen. I wanted to explain how many emails I’d sent trying to organise things, but felt it best to keep a low profile and hope not to hold things up any further in any way. Accordingly there was no thought or stopping when I realised my saddle was way too low, and my steerer was angled a good five degrees east of true.

We started off skirting the CBD and headed through leafy urban suburban east Austin before crossing Ladybird (formerly Town) Lake and going south through Pleasant Valley and out past the airport. It was flat at first but became a little more undulating as we got further from the city. The pace was fairly easy and there were enough people that didn’t look Lance-core that I no longer feared being spat out the back on the first pinch. On the other hand I immediately felt the benefit of riding with a local bunch, as the maze of highways we negotiated would have been far too much to deal with on a solo ride.

Having delayed the start I felt inclined to retreat into my taciturn self and focus on staying out of trouble, but before long someone rode up beside me and started to chat. It took only a few questions to establish that as luck would have it not only was Mike Australian, but was also from Perth. Further interrogation revealed that he was a Santos employee on assignment in Houston. We chatted a bit and ended up on the front together when we stopped at a set of lights. The pace had lifted a bit by now and so we took off briskly when the lights changed, inadvertantly causing a split at the back. I had my just desserts though as a few minutes on the front into the breeze at a good pace had the heat and the jet-lag nagging at me to drop off.

Nestled back in the bunch I tried to keep cool and hydrated while I wondered where in Texas we were headed. I knew there were some hills around Austin but despite the undulations we didn’t seem to be heading towards anything seriously lumpy. Then we suddenly hit a pinch that those in-the-know were prepared for as waves of riders flew past from the back to get some momentum and dish out some pain to the unwary. I was boxed in and by the time I was able to swing out there was a significant gap to those who’d escaped up the road. Once over the top I regrouped with some others who’d been caught out and we started to drag ourselves back through the shattered peloton.

Fortunately these shenanigans presaged a pit-stop at Elroy Country Corner, as the extra effort had my head burning, and tiredness was limiting my ability to dig deep. The local riders recommended the Mexican Coke as having even more sugar than the American product. I guess I should have given it a try but in my delirium decided to stick with the devil I knew. Nevertheless I went back for a Snickers bar to ward off the bonk. Back on the road the pace was lifted by the tailwind and the need to chase down a trio of escapees.

I did my bit but once again struggled to keep it going after a hard effort and started yo-yoing off the back of the leading bunch. Between a set of traffic lights and the odd passing rider I found enough help to stay in touch til the Austin skyline came into view and I found my second wind before the pace eased as we rolled back in the way we’d come out. We’d done 56 km in well under two hours on the bike, and though the overall average wasn’t that high (about 31 km/hr with the pit-stop factored out, but other stoppages included) there were long sections up around 40 km/hr.

Back in the store I did a little browsing and souvenir shopping, then got myself some lunch at the cafè. In the end a mighty fine morning in Austin.

Post-script: The bike-hire guy was in the store when I returned and though I avoided him then I did email him a summary of my morning later, if only to reiterate my thanks to the guys who saved my day. The local motto here is “keep Austin weird”. A bar had a band playing that night called Landis Armstrong, but sadly fatigue won the day and I did not get to find out just how weird they are.

Lurch’s impressively meticulous and efficient nature had us at the start in plenty of time. One of the best bits of riding CS for me has been the time to chat in the car with him about all sorts of things on the way to the venue.  He’s a good guy and I’ve enjoyed getting to know him.  When we got to Yanchep and walked up to the Phil Renkin Rec Centre, it all felt a rather bleak to me.  It was a little bit cold; the remnants of the front were still going over with black clouds lurking in the west.  Getting your body temperature right was the thing. Boab, Lurch, Peter and I compared notes on what best to wear:  too hot you’d soon feel like Sunday’s roast dinner, too cold and you’d freeze to death.

It’s amazing how fast the last 15 minutes before start time goes.  Quick warm-up, get through the other teams on the line and then you’re up the road before you know it. Paddles is a great team captain; his approach is measured and thoughtful which creates the best for the team.  The headwind on the outward leg had by now strengthened considerably, so the ‘Red Warriors’ decided to ride the outward leg as a train with 30 sec turns on the front. Whoever said the course was flat needs to go back and study Geography 101.  Some of the ‘undulations’ were very long, made more so by the grinding headwind.  It was exposed and blustery. Maintaining a high rating in these conditions became hard work. As my turn came around for another stint on the front, I kept thinking about the fixie boys.  How were they feeling?  We worked well into the wind, the Uno were a tight outfit and rode strongly into the headwind.

Boab we call the ‘super domestique.’  He’s as smooth as silk on the bike, perfectly balanced with a beautiful pedalling action. Blessed with a terrific aerobic threshold, I always get the feeling he has a lot more in the tank.  I remember being on a ride with Blinder and Paddles down to Pinjarra and back.  By the 150km mark, we were all in a world of hurt.  In the interests of full disclosure, I had things hurting I didn’t even know I had. It was about this time, Boab turned to us and said, “I’ve got good legs, I’m just going to really punch it up this hill”, and rode away from us like we were standing still.  Boab was a vital part of the Uno at Yanchep and did a lot of work on the front.

The return leg with the tailwind back to the start/Finish line at Yanchep kept the cadence high, but there was always a feeling of waiting for the final leg of the headwind.  This was where huge time was won (or possibly lost) and the moment to put the power down. The super gutsy ride was done by Stuey. He rides 100km on very little training and prodigious natural ability.  He doesn’t get much time at the moment while the kids are young to do much on the bike, but once his kids are a bit older, we had all better watch out. It’s a simple equation really - Stewie + 350km a week = one awesome bike rider.

On the final tailwind home, the award for the fastest tube change in history goes to Lurch and Peter. The wheel was off, the tube out and all back together in super quick time.  We were all twitching to get our rhythm once again with about 20km to go.  A quick roll through was soon underway with the tailwind urging us on.  As we crested the rise at the Rec Centre again, Paddles and I wondered if this was the finish. (Must have been hurting legs clouding our judgement) but as I looked up the road, I saw the team in front of us carry on.  We still had the last 15km dog leg to do, so on we went.  Once we had the team over the final climb, we headed for home.  I was starting to wind the tempo up in the final run in, and even at this point, I was looking up the road thinking, “Is this really the finish?  We haven’t got another leg to do or anything have we?”  Our crossing the line was so bizarre; it was really quite funny after all that way.  A stationary car, right on the turn into the driveway completely blocked us, so we all had to throw on the anchors and sort of wobble past in single file right up next to the curb.  Officially we averaged 29.04, but this included the time to fix the puncture.  Peter’s computer had us at 31.5 and Boab’s had us at 31.7.  31.5km/hr would have given us 5th overall, a mighty fine result in the conditions.  Good job boys!

A big part of this success was the inclusion of Peter. (aka Superman)  For those who don’t know Pete, he has legend status in the Bikeforce Group on Saturday mornings. He’s lean and strong and smashes all of us on the hills.  He’s the oldest member of the group (I’m sure he won’t mind me saying that) and made a huge difference to us at Yanchep. On top of being a great bike rider, he’s a great bloke as well and just the sort of person you want to have with you on your team.

So onto Waroona, into the hills.  Yeeeaaaaahhhh!  Riding CS events is a lot like sex really - it’s intense, there’s lots of puffing and the afterglow is the best bit. (I’m sure Peter and Blinder our resident experts in matters of the psyche will validate my theory)  We could have a sedentary life, commuter traffic and be comatose in front of the TV - no bugger that, give me the hills any day.

Cheers

Jack (Russell)

The next issue was the team name. I had always fancied S.S.Coglioni, with the double S reminiscent of the old packet steamers that crossed the Atlantic, and obviously an initial-ism for Single Speed. Unfortunately Babel had other connotations for the SS, and one that might be wrongly associated with us given our black attire. I won’t bore the reader as the debate was well documented via email, but Bif had already registered the team as S.S.Coglioni, however he quickly put a change request in for Coglioni Neri, we would see on the day which moniker we would ride under.

Before the first pedal stroke make in anger we were down to 4 riders. Cookie had been a bit successful with his basketball coaching and had made it to the State grand final. Win or lose thee was a chance that he might not be able to walk on Sunday morning let alone ride. This I actually confirmed today when he phoned from a pub as he continued into the 2nd full day of drinking as they had won. For those wanting to see Cookie in a tie, click here.

So the morning of the ride was upon me. Having not ridden for over 3 weeks apart from a short 40km spin on Friday I knew I would be well underdone. During the many gear selection correspondence Bif had convinced us all that this was essentially a flat ride on smooth tarmac and a bigger gear than my 69″ would be required. I was edging toward a 73.6 but Bif was adamant that I was being soft and would be spinning out on such a course, so I stuck with his recommendation of a 77″. I could always pedal slower, but would be hard pushed to spin faster. His logic seemed sound…

6:30 and the first txt of the morning arrive, was it Babel announcing he had yet another virus on a CS ride, was it Cookie deciding to ride drunk after all, just to make us look slow and stupid again. No, it was Bif, a short concise message, “Sorry, can’t make it”. Bugger I thought. I think Bif must have a secret passion for basketball and had gone to watch Cookie but had been sucked into the vortex of celebration and was still drunk or hungover. As Babel arrived I announced the grim news that we were down to three. His response wasn’t what I expected as he said “Phew!”. But after analyzing this I realized he was right, as Bif would have just tortured us has he been there. Problem was would they let us ride with three?

Uneventful drive to Yanchep and then to the start at Two Rocks gave us our first look at the geography of the area. This isn’t f*ckin flat I believe I exclaimed as we dropped down another gear in the car to get over yet another bump, a luxury we would not have on our bikes. Quick coffee and then off to registration to find we had been joined up with another team, Wattos Warriors, who were also down to 3. We met up and met Sue, Sasha and John, who all looked a bit fit, so we told them we were on SS and they shouldn’t feel bad about dropping us on the first climb.

As it turned out Sasha had trumped my usual excuse of “Oh I only flew in from the US late on Tuesday night” by having flown in from Europe the previous day herself. This was going to be interesting… So off to the start line we were much to the admiring looks of the starters, or were they laughing at our stupidity. The flatness of the course was soon dismissed within 1km of the start as the first of 3 or 4 tough climbs soften our legs up. I immediately felt like bringing my meusli up, but I was not the worst. Within the first 5km Sasha started to cramp in her thigh. She was in lots of pain, as the sound of her whimpering made us all concerned. I gave her a small push to get over the rise, and she just kept pushing on, through the pain. Maybe she had some spare HTFU I could use on the 2nd lap.

The outward leg to the turnaround was into a pretty stiff headwind. Gaz and Babel were looking strong, as was Sue, who looked like she had raced a fair bit hardly breaking sweat or breath the whole ride. John was struggling a bit having been paddling(running) on the Avon descent. I was already cursing Bif for talking me into the 77″ and wondered what mapping software he was using when he worked out this was a flat ride. But we pushed on and when hitting the turnaround point it all became clear why I had a 77″. Big tailwind and we were motoring back to Yanchep, although Gaz and Babel were spinning like tops to keep the speed going. At the start line we were caught by the Uno Coglione but stayed with them for the next 5km before they finally gapped us on the climb just before the end of the first lap.

It was at this point that the tough Sasha was crying again due to the pain, but not slowing down, she just kept pushing through. Babel put it into perspective saying, “The last time I heard someone crying in pain like that I had my new son in my arms 2 minutes later…”

The next lap was a killer. The headwind had picked up, the previous hills now seemed bigger with my legs tiring. I was struggling to keep the huge 77″ gear going. Thankfully I had a friendly push on the back from Gaz to get me over the bumps, and encouragement from the Babel, John and Sue. Sasha was in her own personal hell, with Gaz never short of a helping hand there to get her through the worst patches.  The turnaround seemed to take forever on this lap as the wind was much stronger, but it felt really good when we finally got there, and lifted our spirits a heap.

The last 20km were a grind with one more push from Gaz to get me over the last climb. 4km downhill run into the finish and we were done, spent. Sasha was still whimpering, I didn’t want to move my thighs too quickly, but Sue, Gaz and Babel looked ready for another 100km.

It turned out Sue was on the CS committee so does a ride report for the event, so I suspect 25 points each to Gaz, Babel and O’Dirty for getting themselves onto another web site. To read the report go here.

We all felt pretty euphoric for having done it SS, so thanks Bif for talking us into it, still not sure I forgive you for the extra three inches you slipped me…!

York was most notable for being the first Cyclo Sportif team event that Blinder did not finish. The story has already been told and I can now only add how much it pains the committee to have to withhold the 100 points given to all riders completing an event that day. It hardly seems fair given the DNF was through no fault of his own, but as Doug would often say to Dinsdale, to be fair one sometimes has to be cruel. Despite us fielding three teams we only managed one ride report so there is precious little to reward or penalise, save a miserly 25 points to Cookie for his usual powerhouse effort and the same to Paddles for hanging on gamely in the unknown territory in which he found himself. I would be more generous but without reports of the other rides to go by the committee insisted on restraint.

With two ride reports to pick over and faults easy to find no such restraint will be shown for Swan Valley. First offence goes to Boab for having COLD spaghetti for breakfast. Mate, we know you are a hard case but there’s no need to turn cycling into an extreme sport to prove it. However any penalty that might have applied has been wiped out in recognition of your effort to step up and write a report. Out on the course though, there is nowhere to hide and the photographic evidence condemns Blinder, Gaz and Cookie to an exceedingly lenient 25-point penalty for covering their C.C.C. kit with generic arctic survival gear. Reading the Due report I see the “cold” word gets another mention and so feel compelled to double the jeopardy by awarding those hardy lads a 25-point bonus for having the good sense to put their C.C.C. shirts on as the top layer. And, no the non-offending Uno riders don’t get this bonus because they should never have allowed their mal-adorned teammates to take to the road and should consider themselves lucky to not be tarred more severely with the same brush.

And so to Pinjarra. Once again there is only one ride report to work from so not much to penalise or reward. The Uno came close to earning bonuses all round by posting a club-best time for the course, but really needed to push into the top ten to earn it. Sadly Babel forfeits the ride bonus by being forced to abandon. New boy Jack gets a 25-point bonus for unintentionally getting Stuey wound up. Crashing is never to be condoned but it must be noted that Boab had the wherewithall to save his fall and come down between the timed finish and the formal finish, an effort that is surely worth a 25-point bonus. The only big winner is Blinder whose thoughtful provision of beers for the post-ride huddle was most welcome and merits a new 50-point classification in the bonus system in future. Just quietly though, the committee prefers Coopers.

Last but not least mention must be made of Gaz and O’Dirty for their efforts during the course of the Tour de France. The rules limit Gaz’s hosting bonus to 50 points or he would have one arm in a golden sleeve already. Where does this leave us? Reigning champion Spunker has jumped over Bif and Babel to assume the front-running coming into the long home-stretch. He proved his stamina in the Five Dams but can he hold on from this far out with Spunker Junior Two on the way? It’s interesting to see that stalwart Digger is only a Five Dams ride or a healthy donation to the JDRF Spin out of the top spot. The rest of the top ten is flooded with the usual old hacks but it’s refreshing to see new chums Boab and Gaz filling the last two positions.

And so to the scoreboard. Note that some bonuses previously tallied under an event have been moved to the “other” classification.

The weekend began on Friday 25 June and the afternoon belonged to Bruce “The Boss”, Irish and WWB who surpassed all expectations but when required for last minute preparations were found catching ZZZZZ’s in the sunshine. Altered to the imminent arrival of 2 fellow snoozers – Rocky and Dark Horse, the girls sprung into action, meeting the ferry and putting on an amazing vegetarian feast supplemented with champagne cocktails. The staying power of this group was amazing, but more was to come . . .

Saturday came and the usual morning cycle was replaced with a sleep in (and for some, a hangover) and a wonderful pumpin eggs brunch along with the rest of the crew who arrived on the morning ferry.

The fun began following brunch with a sprint around the island. New comers to Callipiyan riding, Tag-a-long and Possum were shown the ropes as The Irish stopped for numerous photo opportunities. In order to recuperate for the main event, the afternoon was spent sampling a wonderful assortment of home cooked slices, biscuits and cakes. The West End guzzle was looking unlikely to take place as lethargy began to set in. With a sudden burst of energy, Rocky sprung into action and within minutes the group had assembled at the starting line, handicaps in place - the Irish, Rocky and Dark Horse were given the weighty backpacks and the race was on. Not to be outdone in the photo stakes, Dark Horse stopped mid race to snap a photo of the lake but managed to catch the main group at the lighthouse turnoff. The leaders at this stage were Rocky and Scruff. With the sun setting in the west, the group finally arrived. To the sounds of popping (fortunately not tyres) the sun slowly set on the West End guzzle and the moon rose to welcome the riders in their recovery lap back to the Lighthouse Cottage.

The ensuing feast required huge staying power (and extremely tolerant neighbours). As the night wore on riders began to succumb to fatigue, with the Irish staying power coming to the fore.

Sunday belonged to the sloths with more pumpin eggs, more treats and a game of bouche between Bruce “The Boss” and Rocky. As the numbers dwindled, taken by the ferry, the final 4 headed out to the pub. This turned out to be a very sedate affair and on return to the cottage, only a drink or two was consumed before the double bunks beckoned.

Monday morning was a whirlwind of packing, cleaning, cooking and eating the left overs. Then Rocky decided enough sloth was enough and dumping any handicaps, the race was on. What was to be a short and relaxing ride, became a sprint to the ferry, with Rocky and Dark Horse being waved off the island by Bruce “The Boss” and the WWB.

The West End guzzle lived up to expectations and the Tour de Rottnest has been scheduled for June next year with more riders expected.

Written by Dark Horse - just posted by Digger.

A stunning day greeted us all for the Pinjarra stage of this year’s Sportif calendar. As with every morning since the start of Le Tour, the alarm went off way too early, but after a big bowl of muesli and yoghurt it was time to hit the road. First a quick stop to get Paddles and then the time flew by as we motored down the Kwinana freeway, with Ton (Mrs Gaz) and Paddles reminiscing about their respective times in Kalgoorlie. Talk about five degrees of separation!

The first important stop in Pinjarra was the bakery. We turned into its car park full of utes with ‘roo bars, spotlights and gun-toting locals with nary a front tooth in sight. Not really a place to be for those with lycra on their mind so we hot-footed it inside. Yum! Lots of luscious looking cream delights, pastries and pies, but Ton gently reminded me that an apple turnover probably wouldn’t last the distance up the first hill, so I took her advice and only just threatened to give it a hiding.

At the racecourse car park the usual round of pre-race Coglioni phone calls began, like “have you seen so-and-so, I need a jersey” and “where the hell are you guys parked? Where? I can’t see you! Oh, there – that’s you guys 10 metres in front of me?” True to form Stuey rolled in with minutes to spare and promptly decamped to the bog leaving both teams nervous as Bif had stowed his bag in his car not knowing if he still needed access to its contents. Finally all the troops were rounded up and both teams were ready to roll.

The start/finish line posed a small safety issue of a slight rise in the bitumen but seriously, who was that going to bother? No one, or so most of us thought. The talk in Uno was to go out gradually and not cook ourselves before the climbs up to Dwellingup, but a decent tailwind enabled us to set an average of 38.6km/h after 12km. We then hit the climbs and by the 25km mark we had slowed to an average of 28km/h. Sadly, we had also lost Babel who wasn’t feeling too well. He soldiered up to the near the crest but unfortunately had to pull the pin in the interests of health. Bif had been whining about an impending illness before the start so no doubt he had resorted to some black magic from O’Dirty’s bag of tricks to transfer the ailment to his hapless teammate.

Everybody took turns on the front up the hills into Dwellingup and a solid team effort was well underway. The two grasshoppers, The Doctor and Boab, were climbing like Contador and Schleck while Bif didn’t bother either breaking a sweat or getting off the big chain ring. As the heftier team member I did my bit by blocking out the wind while Spunker did his best Mathew Flinders impersonation, circumnavigating the group to regularly monitor our progress. The blue Due boys came into sight every now and then before disappearing round a corner or over a crest, so it was great to have something to chase. But the catch would have to wait.

As we approached Dwellingup we saw some road-side random taking photos of us. (For the purposes of this report, I will refer to her as the Hot Chick.) At this point only I knew who it was (my wife, Ton) but it didn’t stop the rest of the guys smiling and waving! When she yelled out “go, Coglioni!” I think half the blokes thought wow, we have a cheer squad! Someone muttered, “Who was that random??”

The section from Dwellingup to the turnaround point saw us zooming down some decent descents and cranking it up the climbs. Overall, the pace remained quick and everyone was feeling comfy, although the road surface in one particular section did its best to throw us out of our saddles. Some of us may have thought we were in the Paris-Roubaix. In hindsight, I’m surprised that Boab’s dentures didn’t take flight! We caught the Due lads at the top of a climb and nearly took on a refugee when Jack from the blue shirts asked if he could hook on. Being a first timer and unaware of the rules, we had to politely decline his request and send him back to the pack.

The turnaround point gave us all an opportunity to take on some water and gel shots. The Doctor had been crowing at the start about a tip he’d picked up from O’Dirty whereby gel shots are stashed under the leg grippers of one’s shorts. It did look like he meant business, but one too many flexes of those famous thighs had weakened the packaging so much that when he went to retrieve a shot the contents exploded down his leg. This left a sticky white residue that was the subject of many amusing comments too ribald to repeat on a family-oriented website such as this. Bif obviously thought this was a good look and proceeded to pour half his gel down his leg, but did not manage to achieve the same “I really get off on cycling” effect. Meanwhile Spunker had learned from past experience and was careful not to allow his chocolate flavoured gel to run down the back of his knicks, avoiding the impression that he had, how do you say, shit himself. Not good to draft behind.

Up and down we merrily went, and then it was time to attack the longish climb back into Dwellingup. We each did our bit on the front and our reward was a zippy descent into town. But, aaagghh! We were brought to an abrupt halt at the T-intersection by a long line of cars that were given right of way by the lollipop man. Once we re-started we went past the Hot Chick again who took more photos of us. I tried to suck my guts in but that effort almost made me black out, so I let it all hang out as we zoomed past the Nikon lens. After the long drag out of town, we finally got our ultimate reward with the juicy downhill to the flat. On the descent, Spunker and I decided it would be best if the biggest windbreakers sat on the front to protect the grasshoppers such as Bif, Boab and The Doctor. I managed not to break wind in the smelly sense, but kept the drag down for the guys behind me.

As we hit the flat Spunker did a quick welfare check and we were all feeling okay. The Doctor was not enjoying the flat bits so much as the hilly bits so he sat off the back for a while Spunker called for the rest of us to spend “a little longer” on the front. Boab took this to heart and did his best Chris Anker Sørensen impersonation and promptly shelled himself out the back for a couple of turns to stay strong for the final assault on the finish line (which Boab took literally). Despite all this we managed to stay on around 38km/h into the bugger of a cross/head wind. Hot Chick made another appearance and seemed to be taking photos from behind, and I reckon The Doctor was thinking how glad he was that he shaved that morning.

We hammered into town and the finish line was quickly upon us. Boab was wearing the timer ankle bracelet and he made a very strong lunge at the inflatable archway, however his efforts resulted in the same outcome as Lance Armstrong and Cadel Evans in Le Tour – a squeal of brakes then straight onto the tarmac. The rest of us were very concerned and voiced our worries thus: “get up buddy!” and “get over the line, mate!!” I even thought I heard someone do a version of Nelson Muntz from The Simpsons: “Ha ha!”

Apart from a little bit of stripped bark, Boab was fine and he did a sterling job to run over the finish line with his bike in tow. Only later did we find out that the official clock stopped about 30 metres before the inflatable archway. Hot Chick was there again and she captured Boab’s moment of glory. When we flicked the photos later on, we saw that his crash-bang efforts were not in vain – the officials responded by putting the perfunctory witches hats over the slight rise in the bitumen that helped cause his spill. Who would have thought?

All in all, a great team effort. The Crownies in the car park, courtesy of Blinder, went down a treat – they didn’t even touch the sides. The food was great and the set-up was awesome. Well done to Spunker for a great effort as team captain and hats off to Bif for making it look like a stroll in the park, even though he’s been off the bike for two weeks. Boab was strong as an ox and the The Doctor had a superb ride. Even I felt strong at the end, although my strongest motivation was to get back to the bakery and teach that apple turnover a lesson!

Allez, Uno!!

The polka-dot jersey was scored first, and this appeared to consolidate the position of Fatboy courtesy of Andy Schleck, but Two Phat 2 moved ominously into 5th place. Further down the table Vulcan jumped a whopping 43 places thanks to Anthony Charteau’s finely judged win, somewhat confirming Lucien van Impe’s recent comment that you can be a bit crap and still win the spotty shirt. Sicknote and Srampagno had obviously considered all the competitions in choosing their teams, as they both lived up to expectations and failed to score.

The next competition to feel the bean-counter’s caress was the coveted points jersey. I wish they would stop trying to sell this as the sprinter’s jersey since the angry one’s get to snog enough podium girls as it is, and it is only fair to have a jersey that rewards the saps that can be bothered sprinting for 15th place when a breakaway has been successful. This allocation produced the most exciting moment of the competition as Iceman leapt over Fatboy to take the lead courtesy of Cav’s second place, and Fatboy’s best hope being Julian Dean back in 14th place. There were no big movers this time, and Sicknote and Srampagno stayed stuck fast in the autobus.

Last but not least the yellow jersey. It should be no great surprise that Andy saved Fatboy’s lardy backside and propelled him to victory finishing as first loser. Lacking a contender for the overall Iceman tumbled to fourth - perhaps he can take consolation in my own fall from glory to finish outside the money in 16th place. The big last-minute winners were the redoubtable Two Phat 2 who moved up to second, and Princess Margaret Hospital, moving up eight places to finish 6th. Sicknote finally cracked, scoring 28 points courtesy of Nicholas Roche to underline the dominance of Srampagno at the back of the field.

That’s it for another year folks, unless you can convince O’Dirty to run a Vuelta comp. Don’t ask me about prizes - personally I wouldn’t be hopeful that there’ll be much left after the dirty one’s French sojourn. Also, technical difficulties have prevented me from determining the team competition winner - I’ll look into that if I have time, but it may have to wait for O’Dirty’s return.

Polka dot jersey
Floyd Pharma Lotto scored 200 for Anthony Charteau coming in first place
Vulcan scored 200 for Anthony Charteau coming in first place
The Swiss Miss scored 150 for Christophe Moreau coming in second place
Vulcan scored 150 for Christophe Moreau coming in second place
Dobbo scored 150 for Christophe Moreau coming in second place
Bicyclettes Anciennes scored 110 for Andy Schleck coming in third place
Paddles scored 110 for Andy Schleck coming in third place
Babel scored 110 for Andy Schleck coming in third place
Fatboy scored 110 for Andy Schleck coming in third place
Princess Margarets Hospital scored 80 for Alberto Contador Velasco coming in fourth place
Cloggie Dockers scored 80 for Alberto Contador Velasco coming in fourth place
Two Phat 2 scored 80 for Alberto Contador Velasco coming in fourth place
Cadel Ankiss scored 80 for Alberto Contador Velasco coming in fourth place
Pap Tyres scored 64 for Damiano Cunego coming in fifth place
Cadel Ankiss scored 64 for Damiano Cunego coming in fifth place
Hoops scored 52 for Samuel Sánchez Gonzalez coming in sixth place
JDRF scored 52 for Samuel Sánchez Gonzalez coming in sixth place
Dobbo scored 52 for Samuel Sánchez Gonzalez coming in sixth place
The Doctor scored 44 for Sandy Casar coming in seventh place
Iceman scored 44 for Sandy Casar coming in seventh place
Flirty O’Dirty scored 44 for Sandy Casar coming in seventh place
Two Phat 1 scored 36 for Jérôme Pineau coming in eighth place
Heather scored 36 for Jérôme Pineau coming in eighth place
Wingnut scored 36 for Jérôme Pineau coming in eighth place
Spunker scored 36 for Jérôme Pineau coming in eighth place
Tommy scored 32 for Thomas Voeckler coming in ninth place
Heather scored 32 for Thomas Voeckler coming in ninth place
Ted scored 32 for Thomas Voeckler coming in ninth place
SirOED scored 28 for Pierrick Fedrigo coming in tenth place
Rod scored 28 for Pierrick Fedrigo coming in tenth place
Flatlander scored 28 for Pierrick Fedrigo coming in tenth place
Mrs Spunker scored 28 for Pierrick Fedrigo coming in tenth place
The Swiss Miss scored 24 for Joaquin Rodriguez coming in eleventh place
Crash scored 24 for Joaquin Rodriguez coming in eleventh place
Possum scored 24 for Joaquin Rodriguez coming in eleventh place
Team Bains Pain scored 24 for Joaquin Rodriguez coming in eleventh place
RUK scored 20 for Mario Aerts coming in twelfth place
The Trab scored 20 for Mario Aerts coming in twelfth place
21 Guns scored 20 for Mario Aerts coming in twelfth place
Gobi scored 20 for Mario Aerts coming in twelfth place
Scumbags scored 16 for Robert Gesink coming in thirteenth place
JDRF scored 16 for Robert Gesink coming in thirteenth place
Comfortably Numb scored 16 for Robert Gesink coming in thirteenth place
Tommy scored 12 for Christophe Riblon coming in forteenth place
Bif scored 12 for Christophe Riblon coming in forteenth place
Scumbags scored 12 for Christophe Riblon coming in forteenth place
SirOED scored 8 for Denis Menchov coming in fifteenth place
madspanito scored 8 for Denis Menchov coming in fifteenth place
Red Rasperry scored 8 for Denis Menchov coming in fifteenth place

Green jersey
RUK scored 200 for Alessandro Petacchi coming in first place
Mrs Paddles scored 200 for Alessandro Petacchi coming in first place
Team Green Machine scored 150 for Mark Cavendish coming in second place
Iceman scored 150 for Mark Cavendish coming in second place
Possum scored 150 for Mark Cavendish coming in second place
woozee scored 150 for Mark Cavendish coming in second place
The Condor scored 110 for Thor Hushovd coming in third place
Mutant scored 110 for Thor Hushovd coming in third place
Pap Tyres scored 110 for Thor Hushovd coming in third place
RUK scored 80 for Jose Joaquin Rojas Gil coming in fourth place
Rod scored 80 for Jose Joaquin Rojas Gil coming in fourth place
Gobi scored 80 for Jose Joaquin Rojas Gil coming in fourth place
The Hamster scored 80 for Jose Joaquin Rojas Gil coming in fourth place
Jangu scored 64 for Robbie McEwen coming in fifth place
Heather scored 64 for Robbie McEwen coming in fifth place
Wingnut scored 64 for Robbie McEwen coming in fifth place
Crash scored 52 for Edvald Boasson Hagen coming in sixth place
Vulcan scored 52 for Edvald Boasson Hagen coming in sixth place
Sans Sommeil scored 52 for Edvald Boasson Hagen coming in sixth place
Harvey Norman scored 52 for Edvald Boasson Hagen coming in sixth place
Jangu scored 44 for Sébastien Turgot coming in seventh place
The Condor scored 44 for Sébastien Turgot coming in seventh place
Flirty O’Dirty scored 44 for Sébastien Turgot coming in seventh place
Sans Sommeil scored 44 for Sébastien Turgot coming in seventh place
Cloggie Dockers scored 36 for Gerald Ciolek coming in eighth place
The Nurse scored 36 for Gerald Ciolek coming in eighth place
Cookie scored 36 for Gerald Ciolek coming in eighth place
Spunker scored 36 for Gerald Ciolek coming in eighth place
O’Dirty scored 32 for Jurgen Roelandts coming in ninth place
Possum scored 32 for Jurgen Roelandts coming in ninth place
Comfortably Numb scored 32 for Jurgen Roelandts coming in ninth place
Team Green Machine scored 28 for Lloyd Mondory coming in tenth place
Tommy scored 28 for Lloyd Mondory coming in tenth place
Boab scored 28 for Lloyd Mondory coming in tenth place
Princess Margarets Hospital scored 24 for Alberto Contador Velasco coming in eleventh place
Cloggie Dockers scored 24 for Alberto Contador Velasco coming in eleventh place
Two Phat 2 scored 24 for Alberto Contador Velasco coming in eleventh place
Cadel Ankiss scored 24 for Alberto Contador Velasco coming in eleventh place
Hoops scored 20 for Samuel Sánchez Gonzalez coming in twelfth place
JDRF scored 20 for Samuel Sánchez Gonzalez coming in twelfth place
Dobbo scored 20 for Samuel Sánchez Gonzalez coming in twelfth place
Bicyclettes Anciennes scored 16 for Andy Schleck coming in thirteenth place
Paddles scored 16 for Andy Schleck coming in thirteenth place
Babel scored 16 for Andy Schleck coming in thirteenth place
Fatboy scored 16 for Andy Schleck coming in thirteenth place
Jangu scored 12 for Julian Dean coming in forteenth place
Spokesman scored 12 for Julian Dean coming in forteenth place
Fatboy scored 12 for Julian Dean coming in forteenth place
Mrs Spunker scored 12 for Julian Dean coming in forteenth place
SirOED scored 8 for Denis Menchov coming in fifteenth place
madspanito scored 8 for Denis Menchov coming in fifteenth place
Red Rasperry scored 8 for Denis Menchov coming in fifteenth place

Yellow jersey
Princess Margarets Hospital scored 400 for Alberto Contador Velasco coming in first place
Cloggie Dockers scored 400 for Alberto Contador Velasco coming in first place
Two Phat 2 scored 400 for Alberto Contador Velasco coming in first place
Cadel Ankiss scored 400 for Alberto Contador Velasco coming in first place
Bicyclettes Anciennes scored 300 for Andy Schleck coming in second place
Paddles scored 300 for Andy Schleck coming in second place
Babel scored 300 for Andy Schleck coming in second place
Fatboy scored 300 for Andy Schleck coming in second place
SirOED scored 240 for Denis Menchov coming in third place
madspanito scored 240 for Denis Menchov coming in third place
Red Rasperry scored 240 for Denis Menchov coming in third place
Hoops scored 220 for Samuel Sánchez Gonzalez coming in fourth place
JDRF scored 220 for Samuel Sánchez Gonzalez coming in fourth place
Dobbo scored 220 for Samuel Sánchez Gonzalez coming in fourth place
O’Dirty scored 200 for Jurgen Van Den Broeck coming in fifth place
Monty scored 200 for Jurgen Van Den Broeck coming in fifth place
Ted scored 200 for Jurgen Van Den Broeck coming in fifth place
Scumbags scored 180 for Robert Gesink coming in sixth place
JDRF scored 180 for Robert Gesink coming in sixth place
Comfortably Numb scored 180 for Robert Gesink coming in sixth place
Chuck scored 160 for Ryder Hesjedal coming in seventh place
Digger scored 160 for Ryder Hesjedal coming in seventh place
Possum scored 160 for Ryder Hesjedal coming in seventh place
woozee scored 160 for Ryder Hesjedal coming in seventh place
The Swiss Miss scored 140 for Joaquin Rodriguez coming in eighth place
Crash scored 140 for Joaquin Rodriguez coming in eighth place
Possum scored 140 for Joaquin Rodriguez coming in eighth place
Team Bains Pain scored 140 for Joaquin Rodriguez coming in eighth place
Tommy scored 120 for Roman Kreuziger coming in ninth place
Two Phat 2 scored 120 for Roman Kreuziger coming in ninth place
Scumbags scored 120 for Roman Kreuziger coming in ninth place
Bulldozer scored 100 for Christopher Horner coming in tenth place
Scumbags scored 100 for Christopher Horner coming in tenth place
Stuey scored 100 for Christopher Horner coming in tenth place
Comfortably Numb scored 100 for Christopher Horner coming in tenth place
Chuck scored 80 for Luis León Sánchez Gil coming in eleventh place
Perigord Vert scored 80 for Luis León Sánchez Gil coming in eleventh place
Nederlandse slaghoedje fietsclub scored 80 for Luis León Sánchez Gil coming in eleventh place
Dobbo scored 80 for Luis León Sánchez Gil coming in eleventh place
Reggieside scored 60 for Ruben Plaza Molina coming in twelfth place
The Condor scored 60 for Ruben Plaza Molina coming in twelfth place
Flirty O’Dirty scored 60 for Ruben Plaza Molina coming in twelfth place
Tourjunkie scored 60 for Ruben Plaza Molina coming in twelfth place
The Doctor scored 48 for Levi Leipheimer coming in thirteenth place
Two Phat 1 scored 48 for Levi Leipheimer coming in thirteenth place
Flatlander scored 48 for Levi Leipheimer coming in thirteenth place
Spokesman scored 48 for Levi Leipheimer coming in thirteenth place
Two Phat 1 scored 36 for Andreas Klöden coming in forteenth place
Nelmsey scored 36 for Andreas Klöden coming in forteenth place
Stuey scored 36 for Andreas Klöden coming in forteenth place
Comfortably Numb scored 36 for Andreas Klöden coming in forteenth place
JDRF scored 28 for Nicolas Roche coming in fifteenth place
Fatboy scored 28 for Nicolas Roche coming in fifteenth place
Sicknote scored 28 for Nicolas Roche coming in fifteenth place
The Swiss Miss scored 20 for Alexander Vinokourov coming in sixteenth place
Harvey Norman scored 20 for Alexander Vinokourov coming in sixteenth place
Tagalong  scored 20 for Alexander Vinokourov coming in sixteenth place
Floyd Pharma Lotto scored 16 for Thomas Lövkvist coming in seventeenth place
Philpy scored 16 for Thomas Lövkvist coming in seventeenth place
Monty scored 16 for Thomas Lövkvist coming in seventeenth place
Team Bains Pain scored 16 for Thomas Lövkvist coming in seventeenth place
SirOED scored 12 for Kevin De Weert coming in eighteenth place
The Swiss Miss scored 12 for Kevin De Weert coming in eighteenth place
Crash scored 12 for Kevin De Weert coming in eighteenth place
JDRF scored 12 for Kevin De Weert coming in eighteenth place
Reggieside scored 8 for John Gadret coming in nineteenth place
Mutant scored 8 for John Gadret coming in nineteenth place
Scumbags scored 8 for John Gadret coming in nineteenth place
Team Bains Pain scored 8 for John Gadret coming in nineteenth place
Hoops scored 4 for Carlos Sastre coming in twentieth place
Les bigorneaux à pédales scored 4 for Carlos Sastre coming in twentieth place
Tommy scored 4 for Carlos Sastre coming in twentieth place
The Nurse scored 4 for Carlos Sastre coming in twentieth place

Team Green Machine scored 100 for Mark Cavendish coming in first place
Iceman scored 100 for Mark Cavendish coming in first place
Possum scored 100 for Mark Cavendish coming in first place
woozee scored 100 for Mark Cavendish coming in first place
RUK scored 75 for Alessandro Petacchi coming in second place
Mrs Paddles scored 75 for Alessandro Petacchi coming in second place
Jangu scored 55 for Julian Dean coming in third place
Spokesman scored 55 for Julian Dean coming in third place
Fatboy scored 55 for Julian Dean coming in third place
Mrs Spunker scored 55 for Julian Dean coming in third place
O’Dirty scored 40 for Jurgen Roelandts coming in fourth place
Possum scored 40 for Jurgen Roelandts coming in fourth place
Comfortably Numb scored 40 for Jurgen Roelandts coming in fourth place
Reggieside scored 32 for Oscar Freire Gomez coming in fifth place
Digger scored 32 for Oscar Freire Gomez coming in fifth place
Crash scored 32 for Oscar Freire Gomez coming in fifth place
Flirty O’Dirty scored 32 for Oscar Freire Gomez coming in fifth place
Cloggie Dockers scored 26 for Gerald Ciolek coming in sixth place
The Nurse scored 26 for Gerald Ciolek coming in sixth place
Cookie scored 26 for Gerald Ciolek coming in sixth place
Spunker scored 26 for Gerald Ciolek coming in sixth place
The Condor scored 22 for Thor Hushovd coming in seventh place
Mutant scored 22 for Thor Hushovd coming in seventh place
Pap Tyres scored 22 for Thor Hushovd coming in seventh place
Chuck scored 18 for Matti Breschel coming in eighth place
The Condor scored 18 for Matti Breschel coming in eighth place
O’Dirty scored 18 for Matti Breschel coming in eighth place
Ted scored 18 for Matti Breschel coming in eighth place
Jangu scored 16 for Robbie McEwen coming in ninth place
Heather scored 16 for Robbie McEwen coming in ninth place
Wingnut scored 16 for Robbie McEwen coming in ninth place
The Doctor scored 14 for Daniel Oss coming in tenth place
The Nurse scored 14 for Daniel Oss coming in tenth place
Spokesman scored 14 for Daniel Oss coming in tenth place
Les bigorneaux à pédales scored 12 for Martijn Maaskant coming in eleventh place
Bif scored 12 for Martijn Maaskant coming in eleventh place
Boab scored 12 for Martijn Maaskant coming in eleventh place
Team Green Machine scored 10 for Lloyd Mondory coming in twelfth place
Tommy scored 10 for Lloyd Mondory coming in twelfth place
Boab scored 10 for Lloyd Mondory coming in twelfth place
Jangu scored 8 for Sébastien Turgot coming in thirteenth place
The Condor scored 8 for Sébastien Turgot coming in thirteenth place
Flirty O’Dirty scored 8 for Sébastien Turgot coming in thirteenth place
Sans Sommeil scored 8 for Sébastien Turgot coming in thirteenth place
RUK scored 6 for Jose Joaquin Rojas Gil coming in forteenth place
Rod scored 6 for Jose Joaquin Rojas Gil coming in forteenth place
Gobi scored 6 for Jose Joaquin Rojas Gil coming in forteenth place
The Hamster scored 6 for Jose Joaquin Rojas Gil coming in forteenth place
Bicyclettes Anciennes scored 4 for Ruben Perez Moreno coming in fifteenth place
Iceman scored 4 for Ruben Perez Moreno coming in fifteenth place
Bif scored 4 for Ruben Perez Moreno coming in fifteenth place
Dr Funky scored 4 for Ruben Perez Moreno coming in fifteenth place
Princess Margarets Hospital scored 20 for Alberto Contador Velasco leading the general classification
Cloggie Dockers scored 20 for Alberto Contador Velasco leading the general classification
Two Phat 2 scored 20 for Alberto Contador Velasco leading the general classification
Cadel Ankiss scored 20 for Alberto Contador Velasco leading the general classification
No most aggressive rider awarded for stage 20

Blinder is the big mover of the day, moving up 14 spots, but who really cares if he’s 30-odd spots from last or 30-odd spots from first? Meanwhile Srampagno keeps a firm grip on the Lanterne Rouge, but needs to keep a careful eye on Sicknote who is still in easy striking distance of the coveted title of last winner.

I will maintain the suspense briefly by taking a rest now and saving an update incorporating the stage 20 results for later today. And then the jerseys…

Last Chance Lance scored 100 for Fabian Cancellara coming in first place
Blinder scored 100 for Fabian Cancellara coming in first place
Dr Funky scored 100 for Fabian Cancellara coming in first place
Mrs Spunker scored 100 for Fabian Cancellara coming in first place
Bif scored 75 for Tony Martin coming in second place
Tagalong  scored 75 for Tony Martin coming in second place
Monty Ventoux scored 75 for Tony Martin coming in second place
Bicyclettes Anciennes scored 55 for Bert Grabsch coming in third place
Reggieside scored 55 for Bert Grabsch coming in third place
Nederlandse slaghoedje fietsclub scored 55 for Bert Grabsch coming in third place
Team Bains Pain scored 55 for Bert Grabsch coming in third place
Flatlander scored 40 for Ignatas Konovalovas coming in fourth place
St Pierre scored 40 for Ignatas Konovalovas coming in fourth place
The Hamster scored 40 for Ignatas Konovalovas coming in fourth place
Bicyclettes Anciennes scored 32 for David Zabriskie coming in fifth place
Technoboy scored 32 for David Zabriskie coming in fifth place
The Trab scored 32 for David Zabriskie coming in fifth place
Nelmsey scored 26 for Koos Moerenhout coming in sixth place
Monty scored 26 for Koos Moerenhout coming in sixth place
Possum scored 26 for Koos Moerenhout coming in sixth place
Babel scored 26 for Koos Moerenhout coming in sixth place
Iceman scored 22 for Vasili Kiryienka coming in seventh place
SirOED scored 22 for Vasili Kiryienka coming in seventh place
Bif scored 22 for Vasili Kiryienka coming in seventh place
Scumbags scored 22 for Vasili Kiryienka coming in seventh place
madspanito scored 18 for Maarten Tjallingii coming in eighth place
Monty scored 18 for Maarten Tjallingii coming in eighth place
Technoboy scored 16 for Bradley Wiggins coming in ninth place
Rod scored 16 for Bradley Wiggins coming in ninth place
Monty Ventoux scored 16 for Bradley Wiggins coming in ninth place
Jangu scored 14 for Geraint Thomas coming in tenth place
Digger scored 14 for Geraint Thomas coming in tenth place
Two Phat 2 scored 14 for Geraint Thomas coming in tenth place
Harvey Norman scored 14 for Geraint Thomas coming in tenth place
SirOED scored 12 for Denis Menchov coming in eleventh place
madspanito scored 12 for Denis Menchov coming in eleventh place
Red Rasperry scored 12 for Denis Menchov coming in eleventh place
Digger scored 10 for Jérémy Roy coming in twelfth place
Mrs Spunker scored 10 for Jérémy Roy coming in twelfth place
Technoboy scored 8 for Stuart O’Grady coming in thirteenth place
Blinder scored 8 for Stuart O’Grady coming in thirteenth place
Technoboy scored 6 for Maxime Monfort coming in forteenth place
Mrs Paddles scored 6 for Maxime Monfort coming in forteenth place
Cadel Ankiss scored 6 for Maxime Monfort coming in forteenth place
Sicknote scored 6 for Maxime Monfort coming in forteenth place
Pap Tyres scored 4 for Pavel Brutt coming in fifteenth place
madspanito scored 4 for Pavel Brutt coming in fifteenth place
Spokesman scored 4 for Pavel Brutt coming in fifteenth place
Fatboy scored 4 for Pavel Brutt coming in fifteenth place
Princess Margarets Hospital scored 20 for Alberto Contador Velasco leading the general classification
Cloggie Dockers scored 20 for Alberto Contador Velasco leading the general classification
Two Phat 2 scored 20 for Alberto Contador Velasco leading the general classification
Cadel Ankiss scored 20 for Alberto Contador Velasco leading the general classification
No most aggressive rider awarded for stage 19

Meanwhile I have been hard at work re-installing REXX so I can turn the wheels of the tipping comp a few more times to produce the final results. It should have downloaded in a few minutes but for some reason it took all night.