Never has the collective might of C.C.Coglioni been so focused to help one of our number to achieve a goal. Always regarded in the cycling world as a team of team players, today was the day where that would be all too evident. The goal was to get Bif across the line with the best time up the Coglioni classic climb of Kalamunda road. Although O’Dirty used this thin sham as a way to get Coglioni members to actually time themselves up the climb in preparation for the Kalamunda Christmas handicap.

It has long rankled Coglioni riders, Bif and O’Dirty, that their joint record of 11:07 had been pipped and held by Eastern State Coglioni member Technoboy when he set a time of 11:06 prior to the 2007 end of season windup. Bif has worked tirelessly this year to improve to the point where he was ready for the challenge. With the impending birth of No2 child, waiting for the glory of the Xmas handicap to claim the record back for the Western States was not an option. So a plot was hatched to get as many Coglioni out to give Bif some tasty rabbits.

O’Dirty offered a slap-up lardy brekkie, with sparkling shiraz, to entice riders to commit. The two reasons were to get data in order to set handicaps for the Xmas handicap, and to provide Bif a pseudo handicap to go for the record. The temptation of lard and shiraz worked with Bif, O’Dirty, Stuey, Spunker, Sicknote, Ted, Crash, Cookie, Digger and the as yet “unnamed” Roland all meeting on the bridge for the start. Notable absentees were the Coglioni stalwarts Paddles, Blinder, Babel and the Doctor who all had valid excuses, however will still be penalized for being soft.

The ride started with a loop around the river, riding on some of the Great Perth Bike ride route, a ride we were protesting against for the lack of funding to charity because the funding seemed to go to funding triathlons, a cause not endorsed by the club. A relaxed pace out to the hills, which were draped in cloud, was briefly broken by a flat for Cookie. As he fixed it we were educated by Stuey about some use of a finger (and what has a Pilchard got to do with it?), yet to be explained, that almost made Spunker choke on his mueslie bar.

Rest of the ride went without incident and we negotiated the Ridgehill Rd testers. However the group rode up well with no real stragglers. We regrouped and rolled to the start at the bottom of Kalamunda Rd. The handicapper, O’Dirty, set people of as follows:

Neither Spunker or O’Dirty were feeling on top form, Spunker due to a recent spate of back issues and O’Dirty because he had not taken any HTFU recently, but they were ready to assist Bif where they could. O’Dirty was the first to be caught by the flying Bif. Just after the top of the steep bit Bif was all over him like a bad suit. O’Dirty tried to lift to give Bif a tow but it was not enough as Bif swept past, stating later “I was going to sit on but you were going to slow”. Your humble scribe watched, from the rear as Bif gobbled up rabbit after rabbit. Spunker proving resistant, turning in a PB ride, and keeping Bif at bay almost until the 50km sign. The trio of Sicknote, Ted and Roland also resisted until almost the top, being caught close to the servo. So Bif was left to sprint to the finish by himself, but with the knowledge that Technoboys record was gone, it was just a case of how much he could squeeze out of it. The answer was 49 seconds to bring the record down to 10:17.

But it wasn’t all about Bif. It was a day when most Coglioni riders produced either good times or PBs. The as yet “unnamed” Roland also posted his longest ride, by more than double, plus an excellent time for a first time challenge on the testing Coglioni climb, and looked as fresh as if he had just done 25km to Gino’s. An effort that was also toasted at breakfast. Times were:

A spirited ride home to get breakfast going was followed by a slap up feed and sparkling red to celebrate the days achievements. All in all a good day out. O’Dirty at this time would like to recognize Cookie, Ted and Bif for assistance in brekky prep.